After a lovely evening of Chick and Dude time, I needed to head home, so my sweetie walked me out to my truck. I screamed profanities upon opening my door. There had been a Cricket trapped in there all day. For some reason, a long, and pitch black drive home, made the cricket seem like a poisonous two headed cricket. 
  Dude comes running at the sound of my *never ever happening* cussing. 

Doesn't it sound like the cricket is up under there?"

 (he looks up into the middle section of the truck than connects the dashboard radio section, by some sort of column, to the floor board of the truck)

 "The sound is coming from up there, but there just no way ya to get up there."

Well you CAN if you're a CRICKET!!!!

   Laughter ensues... we just love to laugh. We're the coolest people I know.

  I become very serious. 

  "How am I going to get home? Theres a CRICKET IN MY TRUCK!" 

  "Chick, calm down baby. It's just a little cricket. He's not going to hurt you." 

"Noooo! Really? He's only going to kill me when he gives me a heart attack, or I swerve off the side of the road!!!" 

 This time laughter ensues. From the dude. 

 I stare blankly as he is double over in hysterics. He's laughing so hard, his eyes are squeezed tight, and his face is hidden in his hands. Little does he know that as he is catching glimpses of my blank stares, which are making him laugh harder, I have been fighting back peeing in my pants.

 To save myself the trouble of driving home with a cricket AND wet jeans, I just started laughing. I had to, except it was extreme silenced, laughter. Shoulder shaking laughter, but Dude not noticing, since he's now rolling on the ground laughing harder than before. 

 When he finally stops to breathe, I say, "Look! Look at this!!" and point at my face. 

 Under the bright Texas stars, and shining orange glow from surrounding chemical plants, Dude sees a glimmer of a tear on my cheek. 

 Dude grabs me. Lovingly. Kisses my head. Pats me on the back.

"Baby! I am so so so so so so sorry!!!!! I was just kidding around! I didn't know I was upsetting you!!! I wasn't laughing because you said you might have a heart attack and swerve off the largest suspension bridge in America, Oh baby I am so so so so sorry!!!!!" 

 So just as he's feeling really bad, because he truly would never hurt me, not even by pulling a bandaid off if I asked, I let loose. Suddenly I have my head between my knees so I can breathe, because I am laughing so hard. 

 Mess with Chick. Even even if you are THE Dude of her life. See what you get. 

 *author note- Dude, if you read this don't worry that your coworkers and military dude friends will think anything less of you for being so sweet to me. They act the same ways to their chicks. 

What they may NOT do though is drink 5 ginormous beers at dinner, wait till in the dark car to undo their belt and unbutton their pants, cuz hey, who hasn't been that full before right? Then get home, jump out of the car and forget, and have the whole neighborhood catch you with your pants around your ankles. (they remember the undid their pants)

They definitely wouldn't understand how you stand for five minutes telling your 15 year old that you're wondering what the kid is still doing up, just to have your Chick pipe up and say "I dunno Dude. Maybe your kid is wondering why their Dad's belt in undone and pants are unzipped." 
9/19/2012 09:34:36 pm

Hahahahahahahahahahaha now I'm crying thanks for telling the world about my forgetfulness.

9/20/2012 12:41:55 am

Shhhhhh!!!! I was trying to let you remain anonymous!!!!


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