Mmmm. Frito's are good.
Okay so here's my deal for the day. The world is facing so many problems. Sickness, poverty, natural disasters, man made disasters, hunger, terrorism, war, I could go on and on. But you know what? We all still have our own problems? And you know what else? Mine are getting a little too big to handle. I feel like a whiny baby but don't you have issues that just make you want to pull your hair out?
I'm starting over. Back home, in a different state after twelve years of being away. I didn't think it would be THIS DARN HARD to find a job. I want to walk into these places and say "Don't you realize who I am?!" Because dang it I AM SOMEBODY. I am a really big deal. I've worked with people that are a HUGE deal and made them very happy. However I work in a very snobby, click-ish industry. I'm not know for what I do in this town. If someone would just make some phone calls, look at my portfolio and trust me and let me do my thing and leave me alone I could flourish like you wouldn't believe.
I honestly feel like a looser. Im going to be blatantly honest here. Some days..... I can't get dressed. I make phone calls, I submit resumes, I email, etc but the thought of this big wide world just brings me down, because this big wide world has caused me such TURMOIL for the past six years.
Wow. That was an epiphany if I've ever had one. They say when you write things come out, and here I am, just writing from my gut. I'm honestly stunned at myself. I have gotten scared of this world. The sad part is being OUT IN THIS WORLD is what makes me the happiest. I can sit here all day and try and be productive, but simply going to the store lifts my spirits. Yet a lot of days I can't motivate myself to get out the door.
Meanwhile I need to bleach my roots. SURPRISE!!!!!!! Chick here isn't a natural blonde. Im what you consider a "dark blonde" so I don't feel so bad telling the world that I have to lighten this dark hair thats grown in. Can I mention how much grey hair has popped up in the last year, and Im 31?!
If I had to give advice to someone who was in my exact situation I'd say this. "Go mix up that bleach and make your hair pretty because it looks like crap. Go through that pile of clothes you can't hang up and hang them up. Get ready for tomorrow, print your resumes and write down every place you want to go, in order. Buff those stupid finger nails you've bitten off because you work with your hands and you know you enjoy having long nails so take care of them. Give yourself a face mask and use that clothes steamer to steam your face. Make yourself pretty and productive. There thats it. GET IT? Pretty and Productive. Do the pilates DVD you love that will get your spirit happy and make you feel like you've been to the chiropractor. Tonight go to dinner at your friends and watch funny tv or a movie. Don't let your mother stay too long when she comes over because you know she brings you down. Read your new book "Spirit Junkie" and learn to follow its principles instead of playing on facebook so much. DO THESE THINGS and get ready to hit the road running tomorrow. Act like you used to silly. Act as if this is YOUR world and YOU own it, because guess what? You DO own your world, and you have so much to offer to other people. So jump off that edge you're on and JUST DO IT."
There. That's what I'd say to someone like me. I'd also say "Don't forget to commit AT LEAST one random act of kindness today, and do not forget to be nice to yourself."
I think I'll go now, and take my own advice, because I'm really awesome at giving advice, so why don't I ever listen?